I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
