sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
