Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
