Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
