she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
