you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
