his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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