we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
