It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize