Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
