this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
