I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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