Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
