I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
