he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize