I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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