I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
