SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
