why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize