hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
