we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
