you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
