I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize