So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
