I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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