so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
