just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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