just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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