well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
