good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize