my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
