he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
