I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's shark week go big or go home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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