I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
