Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
