my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
