So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
