Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
even my farts smell like vagina
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
