Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize