he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
