There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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