If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
