The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
