So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
