I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize