i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
