Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
