I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
birth control should be required to get into college
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
