His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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