Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
