I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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