Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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