i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
