U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
