You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize