one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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