I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
