I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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