just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
