One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
