drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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