Yo dont text me then not text me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
