??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
