Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
