Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
